FCUK

There are things being changed (or seem to not be the same) but you still get the previous impression from them...there are things you used to think of as good, though now cannot make up your mind what are they to you, you do not know it anymore!! There are things used to comfort which now bother! Suddenly the whole world seems obscure, untrustworthy and vague...the word (world) looks familiar yet it is not what it used to be and you are lost!
Sometimes it is so easy to mix up things and  not being able to figure out what the f*** you are doing...sometimes you just need to be left alone, or you want to be left alone (and you won't and then you bear with it, then when you do need people around, need not to be alone, no one is there anymore!)...there are times you get bored and burn the home...think, one can realize having moments of love and then hating love...admitting the confusion between wanting something and then hating wanting it, fear, not wanting it, confusion, loosing it...and eventually only a waste of time: maybe because it is just a matter of time till the volcano calms down again and all these would vanish away...human being is not created to bear suffering of one thing for ever! There is an ability called "forgetting" which helps one covering up bad things, forgetting about them...it just a matter of time, if one could not take care of problems and confusions around the time, mind gets bored, body get tired of all the stress and pressure. Thus soon it will turn into something which is setting there all the time and no way to fix it, it turns to a habit, mind wants to get ride of the stress so it forgets about it...problem not solved but vanished away just because mind cannot tolerate struggling with it over a long time...YES! it is just a matter of time to forget about it, and then just a matter of time that something come up and it all hits you right into your face once again even worth...like a wound bleeding again...would it seem to heal?

Then if one wants to take care of it (not even at the first place but after several time experiencing the drama), how?...after writing all these down, I cannot answer this last question! how f*** up I am! trapped in the cage of mind and confusion not being able to even look what is out side...To me it is so easy to explain the question, no way to answer it! that is what hurts more...need to find the answer or else,cannot even think of what if I cannot solve it this time...this time it should get solved!